Rules from Torchwood
by spaceboi101
Summary: after the near destruction of the Hub,Jack sends out a Email with some rules to help. Rated M for Jack
1. Chapter 1

**Rules from Torchwood**

**Here is a new story so I hope you like it**

**Also this is a spin-off of Rules of the TARDIS**

**AU in which Owen, Tosh, Ianto and Esther were brought back by The Wander (see the one-shot where River is brought back to life to find out who he is) **

Jack sighed at the sight of Owen and Ianto trying to pry Tosh off of the wall and Gwen was putting out the fires that were caused by the explosion, the next day everyone opened up their inboxes and found an Email that read:

**Rules of Torchwood by Capt. Jack Harkness**

**1. **No trying to using the Rift to charge your phone _'Guys last time Owen did this we almost blew up Cardiff, if Cardiff is destroyed we would be out of a job'-Jack _

**2. **No trying to steal Sec from the TARDIS because Helen will hunt you down

**3. **No using Rhys as Weevil bait because Gwen will try and use you as Weevil bait as revenge

**4. **When it is that time of the month stock up on chocolate and hide in your office _' I don't have a office, I have a cave in the corner of the Hub'- Owen_

**5. **When the Doctor shows up you are not aloud to try and hook up the TARDIS to the Rift without the Doctor's help because last time we tried to do that we almost caused the end of the world

**6. **an Orgy is not the answer to everything Jack

**7. **no trying to kill anyone to use the Resurrection Gauntlet on them

**8. **no trying to slip Rhys Retcon because Gwen would like him to know about Torchwood

**9. **no trying to find Torchwood 4 inside the TARDIS because the Doctor knows it is not there

**10. **now trying to hook up any artifacts to the Rift because we would not know what would happen

**First chapter done, so leave me some reviews and give me some more Ideas thanks**

**Spaceboi101**


	2. double update YAY!

**Rules from Torchwood**

**Here is a new story so I hope you like it**

**Also this is a spin-off of Rules of the TARDIS**

**AU in which Owen, Tosh, Ianto and Esther were brought back by The Wander (see the one-shot where River is brought back to life to find out who he is)**

**most of these rules are taken from TimeSpaceAndMe**

**ships in this story: Gwen/Jack/Ianto, Tosh/Ianto  
><strong>

**11.** Death is not an option.  
>- Except when it is.<p>

**12.** Jack is not to make Ianto immortal by giving him his blood, it would take the immortals count up to 3 including Rex

**13.** Jack is not allowed to cook

**14.** we are not The-group-of-SPECIAL-people-who-the-laws-of-time-do-not-apply-too

**15. **no trying to steal Owens cupcake

**16.** none is aloud to use the Shoot-First-Ask-Questions-Later method

**17.** I may not attempt necrophilia while Jack is dead

**18.** no trying to Get a tan from the Rift

**19.** no trying to steal Jacks vortex manipulator

**20.** no getting Gwen drunk _'drunk!gwen will try and jump anything that moves,including me'-Tosh__ 'well did you two?..'-Ianto 'I think Gwen will answer that'-Tosh 'I just talked to Gwen, I never thought you would go to the other side'-Owen_

**First chapter done, so leave me some reviews and give me some more Ideas thanks**

**Spaceboi101**


	3. 3 chapters!

**Rules from Torchwood**

**Here is a new story so I hope you like it**

**Also this is a spin-off of Rules of the TARDIS**

**AU in which Owen, Tosh, Ianto and Esther were brought back by The Wander (see the one-shot where River is brought back to life to find out who he is)**

**most of these rules are taken from TimeSpaceAndMe**

**ships in this story: Gwen/Jack/Ianto, Tosh/Ianto  
><strong>

**20.** no trying to get a Weevil drunk

**21****.** no trying to out Drink Jack

**23.** Murphy's law always applies

**24.** no trying to kill Jack to prove a point

**25.** no trying to steal the TARDIS

**26.** no trying to use the Rift to power your TV

**27.** no trying to use any thing that came from the Rift to spice up your relationship

**28.** no trying to steal the coffee machine

**29.** no trying to steal Jacks gun

**30. **no getting anyone High _'Gwen and Jack just stared at the Rift while talking about the pretty lights it made while Owan, Tosh and Esther were making something in the Autopsy bay, why am I the only Sane_ one?'-Rex

**First chapter done, so leave me some reviews and give me some more Ideas thanks**

**Spaceboi101**


	4. Chapter 4

**Rules from Torchwood**

**Here is a new story so I hope you like it**

**Also this is a spin-off of Rules of the TARDIS**

**AU in which Owen, Tosh, Ianto and Esther were brought back by The Wander (see the one-shot where River is brought back to life to find out who he is)**

**most of these rules are taken from TimeSpaceAndMe**

**ships in this story: Gwen/Jack/Ianto, Tosh/Ianto  
><strong>

**31.** No trying to get Jack to play spin the bottle because he will try and jump on anything with a pulse

**32.** No playing truth or dare with the Torchwood Team because it will not end well

**33.** Jack is not allowed to flirt with Helen when the Doctor takes Helen, Sec and the Tardis Crew on a visit to the Torchwood Hub. (_I am keeping my eye on you Jack-Sec_)

**34.** No using the Rift for surfing lessons because its not designed for that sort of thing

**35.** no trying to out science Sec

**36.** no trying to outshoot River

**37.** no making fun of Amy's hair because she controls our funding _"how did she get control of an international organization?-Owen"_

**38.** no trying to find out who is smarter

**39.** no racing

**40.** no trying to find the holy grail

**First chapter done, so leave me some reviews and give me some more Ideas thanks**

**if you want to find out what rule 37 means read scribblings from the TARDIS  
><strong>

**Spaceboi101**


	5. Chapter 5

**Rules from Torchwood**

**Here is a new story so I hope you like it**

**Also this is a spin-off of Rules of the TARDIS**

**AU in which Owen, Tosh, Ianto and Esther were brought back by The Wander (see the one-shot where River is brought back to life to find out who he is)and Rhys works with Torchwood  
><strong>

**most of these rules are taken from TimeSpaceAndMe**

**ships in this story: Gwen/Jack/Ianto/Rhys, Tosh/Ianto  
><strong>

**41.** no trying to fish through the Rift because you do not know what will come out

**42.** no trying to get Sherlock to work for us because Owen will try to kill him

**43.** no trying to give Gwen wings because she will hurt herself

**44.** no being mean to Gwen because we are protective of our own

**45.** no shootouts

**46.** no using anything in the archives as a sex toy because we do not know what it will do to you

**47****.**no trying to kill Rhys because when Gwen gets angry she starts blowing things up

**48.** no trying to get Rex high

**49.** no chopping Jack's head of to see if he is dead

**50.** no pissing of the queen because she can get us all fired

**First chapter done, so leave me some reviews and give me some more Ideas thanks**

**if you want to find out what rule 37 means read scribblings from the TARDIS  
><strong>

**Spaceboi101**


	6. Chapter 6

**Rules from Torchwood**

**Here is a new story so I hope you like it**

**Also this is a spin-off of Rules of the TARDIS**

**AU in which Owen, Tosh, Ianto and Esther were brought back by The Wander (see the one-shot where River is brought back to life to find out who he is)and Rhys works with Torchwood  
><strong>

**most of these rules are taken from TimeSpaceAndMe**

**ships in this story: Gwen/Jack/Ianto/Rhys, Tosh/Ianto  
><strong>

**51.** no trying to use the rift to fuel your cars

**52.** no trying to use the nuke we have in the basement

**53.** no singing in the hub

**54.** no racing the TARDIS and the SUV

**55.** no trying to see if Rex is still immortal

**56.** no trying to look into other peoples dreams

**57.** no trying to kill people

**58.** when in ponyville do not leave Jack alone with anypony

**59.** no trying to destroy the world

**60.** no trying to use the rift to go to other dimensions

**First chapter done, so leave me some reviews and give me some more Ideas thanks**

**if you want to find out what rule 37 means read scribblings from the TARDIS  
><strong>

**Spaceboi101**


	7. Chapter 7

**Rules from Torchwood**

**Here is a new story so I hope you like it**

**Also this is a spin-off of Rules of the TARDIS**

**AU in which Owen, Tosh, Ianto and Esther were brought back by The Wander (see the one-shot where River is brought back to life to find out who he is)and Rhys works with Torchwood  
><strong>

**most of these rules are taken from TimeSpaceAndMe**

**ships in this story: Gwen/Jack/Ianto/Rhys, Tosh/Owen  
><strong>

**61.** no drinking on duty _"Owen again?"-Gwen, "yep"-Jack_

**62.** no playing Skyrim _"did you know that a few years ago I went to a planet that had a country called Skyrim"-Jack_

**63.** no trying to sell Owen

**64.** no trying to ride the giant bird

**65.** no trying to have sex on the Invisible lift

**66.** no playing guitar hero

**67.** no trying to out-science Sec

**68.** no trying to train aliens and then say that you are there queen

**69****.** I don't think we need to say anything-Gwen

**70.** no make MyFanWay a Face book Account

__**First chapter done, so leave me some reviews and give me some more Ideas thanks**

**if you want to find out what rule 37 means read scribblings from the TARDIS  
><strong>

**Spaceboi101**


	8. Chapter 8

**Rules from Torchwood**

**Here is a new story so I hope you like it**

**Also this is a spin-off of Rules of the TARDIS**

**AU in which Owen, Tosh, Ianto and Esther were brought back by The Wander (see the one-shot where River is brought back to life to find out who he is)and Rhys works with Torchwood  
><strong>

**most of these rules are taken from TimeSpaceAndMe**

**ships in this story: Gwen/Jack/Ianto/Rhys, Tosh/Owen  
><strong>

**71. **no trying to become God

**72.** no trying to give Owen wings

**73.** no trying to see if Owen was deathless again

**74. **Jack is not available for sexual favors

**75. **we are not the masters of the universe

**76.** no using anything no mind control anyone

**77.** no stealing any chocolate form anyone Else's Easter stash

**78.** Jack is not our Pimp

**79.** no leaving Jack Harkness and Jack Nought in the same room

**80.** we are not a sex store so stop telling people we are

**First chapter done, so leave me some reviews and give me some more Ideas thanks**

**Jack nought= Jack from mass effect  
><strong>

**if you want to find out what rule 37 means read scribblings from the TARDIS  
><strong>

**Spaceboi101**


	9. Chapter 9

**Rules from Torchwood**

**Here is a new story so I hope you like it**

**Also this is a spin-off of Rules of the TARDIS**

**AU in which Owen, Tosh, Ianto and Esther were brought back by The Wander (see the one-shot where River is brought back to life to find out who he is)and Rhys works with Torchwood  
><strong>

**most of these rules are taken from TimeSpaceAndMe**

**ships in this story: Gwen/Jack/Ianto/Rhys, Tosh/Owen  
><strong>

**81.** sniper rifles are not clubs so stop jousting with them

**82. **stop trying to out drink Jack or Owen because you may die of liver failure

**83****.** stop trying to get Jasst and Thay to build a death ray

**84.** stop trying to cause a nuclear war because the destruction of society as we know it is not a party trick you can try every weekend

**85.** stop trying to figure out how to kill Jack for real

**86.** you are not better to anyone. If you need to tell other people that you are probably no better than them

**87.** no trying to spike Owens drinks

**88.** Jack is not Jesus even though he can walk on water (that is an artifact in the vault)

**89.** no trying to take over the world

**90. **Jack is not our Jiglo

**First chapter done, so leave me some reviews and give me some more Ideas thanks**

**Jack nought= Jack from mass effect  
><strong>

**if you want to find out what rule 37 means read scribblings from the TARDIS  
><strong>

**Spaceboi101**


End file.
